December 27, 2022
Edited February 6, 2023

beginnings, future of this website

its a little rainy stormy as of the time of writing, and the power is flashing in and out and i dont have internet lmao! but its okay, no distractions i guess. this one might be pretty rambly, i plan to write more organized and elegant in the future, but right now i just need to get my thoughts down and honestly i also really need to put content on this site.

i made this site in november of 2022, and now its roughly a month and a halfish from that. i made this site around the time twitter got bought and i was fleeing from social media in general, and i happened to really like making my first website in my webdev class! im glad i decided to make this site, i was inspired by all the incredibly cool sites ive seen on here and ive met some people that seem really nice on here on neocities! building websites might not be a skill i'll use a lot outside of personal ventures, but its a cool one to have. this is a big project with all the stuff i eventually want to host on here, but ive got all the time in the world (not really)

issue with me is that i really struggle to dedicate myself to long projects despite how much i love the idea of most of them, and its hard for me to function without deadlines. ive got all these ambitious ideas in my head and im not sure if i can follow through with them. i was VERY fixated on this website those initial days, worked on it hours daily until it was formatted in a way i thought looked nice. since then, working on this page has been on and off, though i find a lot of it is that i dont want to do the more tedious parts of playing with css and html formatting, i just want to write about video games smh

when i made this site i hadn't done any css yet, so i used sadgrl's layout builder. its a great tool (especially for people who don't know css), but right now i want to play around and build my own css from the ground up, i think it feels more personal to me when i do it and im a little loser nerd that likes to code. this is where ive struggled a bit with this site, i really dont want to actually do the work of staring over my css but im unhappy with my current layout. i also have other things to figure out, such as how to make these pages more readable, searching for more readable fonts, making my pages look pretty, etc etc etc.

im very paranoid about cyberstalking to the point where im getting very very worried about what ive said and what i say on the internet. its a silly fear but im an anxious little guy. i do also have a valid reason to be as paranoid as i am, but im not going to talk about it here. what this means for this website is that there's a lot i want to talk about on this site but im worried that anything i say could be too identifiably me. its dumb, but this is another deterent to getting anything done here.

seeing other people have cool sites that they update often and also just look super pretty has started to demotivate me a little, but im trying to see it positively, as in an inspirational way. i kinda wish i could make friends with some of the people i follow on here, some of them seem like people i'd hang out with but im afraid to reach out, i'd feel weird asking and im NOT putting my discord or any other socials publicly on here because of that aformentioned paranoia.

what i mainly want to get done on here right now is that reformatting, this site feels really cookie cutter and id like to give it some more personality. all the pages are really samey, i still havent finished drawing banners for the important pages. i loooove love love love black backgrounds, superdark themes, green and black, but id also like to make this website more accessible? i feel like the font and the bright green may get difficult to look at for extended periods of time, though i want to keep the color scheme and vibe similar. i think ive got pretty sensitive eyes though.

after that im pretty excited to just like, talk about myself and my interests i guess? i want to write about my favorite games, i want to write about how i think people should play other ttrpgs besides d&d, i want to write about computers and retro consoles, i want to write about tech repair, most importantly i want to append cat photos on every page. maybe if i get confident enough i'll write about music and if i get comfortable enough i'll talk about my queerness too.

my cat wont let me type anymore he;s kneading my lap and demanding my attention so im gonna wrap this up now bye everyone!!!